I struggle with my emotions. They enrich my life, but there are times when they can be terrifyingly strong and dangerous. Especially when they’re not based on anything real.
They scream terror when there is no need for it. They can catch a passing thought and veer from intense love, to anger, to joy and despair for no reason at all.
Then there are times when I feel like I’m zapped with electricity and a thousand and one thoughts come racing. It makes up for the times I don’t feel anything at all but a deep desire to crawl into a hole and stay there for the rest of my life.
It’s not something I like telling people. It can elicit pity, and I don’t need that. Then there is the fear people will view me differently – like I was subhuman or dangerous. I don’t need that either.
But more importantly, I am more than the sum of my health challenges. I don’t like my struggles with my emotions defining who I am. I am not my illness.
It’s a challenge, yes. But I’ve come to know it intimately over the years and learn how to manage it — with medication and support from amazing healthcare professionals who know what they’re doing. I can’t stress enough how important it is to get help when the world overwhelms us.
I’m sharing my struggles honestly today not merely for a blogging challenge, but in the hope that it might encourage others who are going through the same boxing match with their emotions.
Hang in there. Don’t throw in the towel just yet, because there are better times ahead. Believe me. I’ve tasted the canvas and wanted to stay down there forever. And when we’re in the middle of it, the fight can seem never ending.
But each time we get back up, we get a little stronger. We gain insight into our own pain. And we heal.
For #bloganuary. Write about a challenge you faced and overcame.