Nomad Online

There are three things I know to be true.

1. That God is good.
2. That I love my family.
3. That time moves too quickly.

Number 1 has been problematic. When spoken too loudly in a broken world full of pain, the truth can fall flat and false.

I’ve seen too many spit takes to know that it’s not conducive to relationships.

God good? Where? How?

We live in a world where bombs drop from clear blue skies as children walk to school.

Where the earth shakes and swallows up families.

Where cries of pain and loneliness are met with a silence that presses hard on a bruise bleeding under the skin.

Where is God when the strong punish the weak? Where is God when people scream how we love who we love leads to eternal damnation? How is God good?

They are rocks hurled demanding answers I cannot give.

But even the darkest night passes.

And I can’t help but see Him in all the glimmers of kindness.

Because there is still grace and sacrifice dancing like beauty across our folly and this scorched earth.

Because there was once a man who told the world he was God, sent to take all the consequences of our fallen acts, and pay for them on a cross.

Cosmic child abuse some may say. Yet the son went willingly, blood sweat dripping, to that spot on redemption’s hill.

For God so loved the world, he let us kill him, so that whoever believes in him shall not perish on this earth.

And at the very end of myself, when I fell on that scratchy asylum floor, there was no one there to pick me up but Him.

Number 2! I love my family.

They have waded through my insanity. Heard all the lies in my head and screamed in frustration.

You’re not stupid. You’re not hated. You are valued and loved.

Over and over. They held on tight because they too believed that God was good. That every dark valley had a guide with a roadmap out of it.

Not every turn has a neat destination out of hell. But they didn’t let go.

I am standing here today because I love them. And they love me. And that isn’t a cosmic coincidence. Which leads me back to point number 1.

Number 3. We don’t have a lot of time. That thing moves quick. It lulls you into forever, but don’t believe that lie.

We are here a short time before judgement day and worm food.

It was only yesterday I danced in car parks flinging my three year old arms up in the sky.

It was only a minute ago my heart burst with joy as I walked down the aisle.

I lost twenty years somewhere going to work, looking after my friends, growing another person and making sure that he was ok.

Time. I don’t have a lot of it left. It’s running out as fast as I breathe and old age isn’t made for the weakhearted.

So I choose to be grateful today. For points 1 and 2. For you and your attention.

Thank you.

Featured photo by Michael Carruth on Unsplash