They start small. A whisper of a thought you’d swat away like you would a fly.
But before long that whisper builds. It becomes a giant chorus of lies.
It usually revolves around me. It sings my imperfections until I’m convinced I’m unlovable.
It shouts my failures until I can no longer withstand its onslaught. I roll over and accept I’m useless. A woman empty of purpose.
I’m laughable. I’m stupid. It’s all my fault. And the world hates me.
Lies. They’re lies.
Somewhere I’ve managed to internalise a laugh or a look, and turn it into something ugly. I tell myself it’s not real. But it sure feels real.
On good days, strong days, I don’t sink into that sticky tar pit. I cling to my husband’s words: “Aggie, don’t believe the lies.”
I somehow walk through it and get to the other side. Where I know I’m loved no matter what lies I tell myself. By my family. By God who gave me life.
On bad days, these truths are hard to see. But these are things I force myself to swallow.
- God is good. And he never ceases to be good.
- I am loved by my family, my friends, and by God who went to the cross for me.
- This pain shall pass. It may seem never ending but respite will come eventually.
- That Jesus is with me through this storm.
These truths are reinforcements against the bleakness. And I know even in the darkest night I am held. Even when I feel most alone.
Mercifully, the lies swamp me infrequently these days. I have come to see the joy that’s waiting for me at the other end.
Yes, I still have rough moments. But these days, after many lessons, I know them for what they are.
Lies.
For Bloganuary – Day 23. What’s a lie you tell yourself?
Nomad Online 
14 responses to “Lies”
This is a brilliant post!
You expressed it smoothly.
But more brilliant is that you could identify them as what they are, LIES.
Thanks for sharing!
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Thanks so much Arti 🙏
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Very well written post. Good for you knowing that the thoughts are lies. I have the same issue and fight it often.
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Thank you. It’s awful when these thoughts stick. Keep fighting on.
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Good to keep in focus!
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Yes. It is. And they sting when you let them get to you.
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Yes so true. Your take is so like mine. Mines about believing in flattery. Just lies we take on. Aaargh😯😞🔥
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Ah. That’s a hard one. It’s the opposite to believing the negative self talk. But when is it flattery and when is it genuine feedback?
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Exactly! I used to believe it all with no filter to differentiate. Love being older and wiser.
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I think the trick may be not to care so much of what others think. But to take people as they are. If they want to flatter, let them. But don’t be so defensive it gets in the way of making genuine connections. Even with the flatterers. They’re people made in God’s image too.
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Genuine connections, Aggie you are a very smart person!
Is so good to notice it.
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I like that you call this negative self talk, lies. That is the perfect way to describe them and I’m adding that outlook to my own immediately. I think women and creative people are plagued with a lot of self doubt. This is one way to counter that.
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Absolutely. Don’t believe the lies, Rebecca. It can sink a person.
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Thanks, Aggie. It very much can if we don’t see clearly.
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